


defenses

by rrosebudd



Series: Adelaide Fahey: Sole Survivor [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, deacon tries to assist, sole has a mental breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 23:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14436021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rrosebudd/pseuds/rrosebudd
Summary: Addy comes back from the Institute for the first time, and after discovering the things she now knows, doesn't quite know how to process it. The shock settles in with time, and Deacon is there to help her once she breaks.





	defenses

A sickening flash of blue, followed by the feeling of her knees hitting pavement and bile rising in her throat. Her chest heaved as she looked around. God Almighty, she doubted she would ever get used to the teleportation; it felt like each of her atoms had been ripped apart and sloughed back together. Not super pleasant.

Adelaide cursed to herself under her breath as she pulled herself up on her shaking legs. The pastel houses of Sanctuary Hills stretched out in front of her, and behind her came the constant sound of creaking wood that emanated from the rotting bridge that marked the exit. 

It had dawned at her she had considered never returning here, as she could’ve died in that relay,  could’ve never made it to the Institute at all. But she did, and she made it back, and for some reason that she couldn’t quite comprehend, she was alive. But, she thought, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to be. 

It only took a couple steps down the ruined Sanctuary road until her gaze fell on her home base — a yellow house, not her own, but the most intact building in the neighborhood — along with several other members of the settlement as they knocked hammers against walls and chatted idly amongst themselves. 

She wandered on trembling feet towards the house, and was met with the eye contact of a person, the eyes of which were warm and welcoming and she had not seen for some time. 

“Addy!” Preston Garvey grinned and immediately threw his laser musket over his shoulder into its holster. He jogged over to her and looked as though he might hug her, but he paused in front of her, always one to care about personal space. He beamed at her, “Damn, am I glad to see you!” 

The sole survivor laughed, albeit a bit weakly. “Thanks, Preston.” Addy was about to continue, ask how things were going in her absence, although she truly hadn’t been gone for more than a couple days, but she was interrupted by Preston turning back around and shouting back into the settlement.

“Hey! Addy’s back!” Preston called towards the house, one hand by his wide and smiling mouth. He turned back to her with a grin. “They’re going to want to hear all about it.” 

Addy chuckled again, but her nervousness was quite evident. “I’m sure…” she rubbed the back of her neck. A pit had begun to form in the bottom of her gut, and her throat felt tight. 

He gave her another pristine smile, the kind that crinkled the skin around his eyes, and waited, hands on hips, as several figures scurried out of the pale yellow house in a chorus of excited murmurs. 

Addy, in all honesty, didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment, especially those who wanted her to recant the whole story of the last couple days of her Institute-bound journey. She barely wanted to think about it, let alone share a story around the campfire just to gauge a reaction from her friends. 

But her wish of solitude would not be granted, as she was met with the sight of three people, for whom she cared dearly, as they dashed over to Preston and the sole survivor. Deacon, Cait, and MacCready came bounding over. Deacon had on his signature shades and dopey grin, Cait and Mac following behind with equally surprised expressions. 

Deacon wasn’t as big on personal space as Preston was, and after not seeing the woman he loved for days on end, not knowing for sure if she was alive or dead, or if she would come back at all, it seemed a hug was the least he could offer. He didn’t stop running upon reaching Addy, and instead scooped her up, his toned arms around her waist, and lifted her in one swift swoop. 

She let out a squeak of laughter as she was plucked off the ground and spun around like she was in some kind of pre-war movie. 

“She’s alive, ladies and gents!” Deacon called in a dramatic fashion as though he were an announcer at a wrestling match. “The most unstoppable woman in the Commonwealth!”

“Dee,” Addy whined with a flattered smile and tried to shove him off of her, but without much strength, as she was, in fact, very grateful, to have his arms back around her. “Get off me, you dork,” she rolled her eyes, the tips of her cheeks going the lightest shade of pink. 

Deacon set her back down on the concrete, and she staggered for a moment, giggling helplessly as she used his shoulder to steady herself. Cait rolled her green eyes and placed her hands on her hips, looking over Addy as though surveying for any physical damage, of which there was none. “The hell happened?” The Irish girl spoke up, spinning a hand in a continuous gesture. “How’d you make it out?”

Addy shrugged, her face heating up, not quite ready to spill the story, but she was, thankfully, interrupted. MacCready nudged Cait in the side. “This one owes me thirty caps,” he offered his palm to the red-haired woman, who huffed and begrudgingly began to sift through her pockets.

MacCready continued, with a lopsided smile to Addy. “Bet her that you’d come back, safe and sound. And here you are! So I win,” he grinned triumphantly to Cait. 

Addy frowned, turning to the Irish woman as well. “You bet against me?” She quirked a brow. 

“What? We’re not friends,” Cait grumbled as she slapped a handful of caps into MacCready’s hand, who beamed was he curled his fingers around the money and shoved it into his pocket.  

The sole survivor rolled her eyes in return as Deacon slipped an arm behind Addy’s back, and she jumped at the contact. “So, we gonna get to hear your heroic war story, or what?” Deacon grinned at her from behind his shades. 

Addy smiled back at him, but her bottom lip threatened to quiver as she went to spoke. “Right. Maybe later,” she nodded, scratching the back of her neck. 

“Oh, come on,” MacCready huffed in a short chuckle. “We’ve been dying to know what’s going on in the Institute, and you might be the only person alive in the Commonwealth who knows!” He exclaimed, shooting his arm out in excitement and knocking Cait in the side.

She looked like she was about to pummel him into the ground, but Preston butted back in before she got the chance “What happened to Shaun? Did you find anything?” His face was soft and concerned, and Addy expected nothing less.

But she couldn’t answer. “You know,” she yawned, stretching an arm out for effect, “I’m really tired, gosh, I should really hit the hay…” 

The lie was very bad, and forced, and not nearly as skilled as she could normally make one, but she was a candle wick about to flicker out, and if she so much as opened her mouth and let one word slip about her son, she would crumble to ash in a matter of moments. That much she knew, and she knew herself well, and she needed to keep quiet, lest she break. 

Deacon frowned, blinking at her with his eyes shielded by the plastic of his sunglasses. He quirked a ginger eyebrow. “You’re seriously not gonna spill?” 

Addy shrugged, looking at him with eyes that she hoped would be pleading enough for him to see, but not the others. “Can we just go to bed? Please?” 

The atmosphere around the five settlers became an awkward one, disappointed and quite confused. Deacon didn’t question her, however, as he saw her face and understood — now was not the time.

“Yeah. Course. C’mon,” he nodded with a small, but hopefully reassuring smile, and he took her hand in his. “T-T-Y-L, you guys,” he gave a lazy salute to the other three people, who looked between themselves uncomfortably. 

Addy let out a breath of relief the moment her back was turned, and forced whatever tears were forming in her eyes to crawl back where they came from or so help her God. “Thanks,” she muttered under her breath, not sure if he heard her or not, but she was given confirmation by a small nod from the Railroad agent squeezing her hand.

He led her by the hand, a few steps ahead of her, back towards the yellow house. She felt much better now that she was no longer under the pressure of her inquisitive companions, as selfish as that might be, but hey, she figured she had the right to be selfish after what she’d just been put through. Wouldn’t anyone?

The sole survivor walked silently next to Deacon as he approached the front door and swung it open. It creaked on its rickety hinges and threatened to come apart completely, but the chivalrous gesture wasn’t lost on Addy. She nodded a small thank you and passed by him, into the main room of the house with its ratty couch and coffee table. She moved straight by the furniture on a determined path to the bedroom, fearing she might collapse if she didn’t lay down soon. 

Deacon followed tentatively as she opened the door to her small room. It was likely an office or something at one point, but was now empty save for a twin-sized bed with a torn mattress and a dresser towards the back, which held all the armor and weapons she didn’t currently need but didn’t have enough heart to give up. 

The moment she entered through the threshold and neared the bed, she immediately flopped down on the mattress with a groan. She stared up at the ceiling as Deacon made his way in behind her. He looked around for a place to sit, but upon finding none, plopped onto the floor with a shrug. “You… alright there?” He asked with an incredibly wary tone. 

He knew her, and he knew the way she talked, and something was off. She hadn’t responded to the questions involving Shaun, and that alone was enough to set off alarms in Deacon’s brain. He didn’t wish to prod her until she snapped, of course, but she wouldn’t be any good to anyone like this, especially to herself. He worried even the smallest question would set her off, and cause her to cry her heart out.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for her to laugh. She covered her face with her hands and she giggled into her palms. Deacon blinked, his brows knitting together. Addy let out an amused sigh and she propped herself up on her elbows, turning to face him and placing her chin in her hand. “It’s, like… so weird to think there’s been this… place underneath us for so long, just, like… controlling everything, you know?” She laughed again.

Deacon frowned, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Are you high? Did you sneak some jet when I wasn’t looking?” 

Addy rolled her eyes and giggled again, letting herself drop back onto the mattress with a bounce. “No, c’mon.” She shook her head with a grin, her eyes glazed a bit. “The Institute, Dee. It’s wild, right?” 

The agent let out a huff of a chuckle, a bit in disbelief. “So you do want to talk about it?” He pushed himself off the dirty floor and hobbled over to the bed. He sat on the edge of it, next to Addy’s feet, and he looked her up and down suspiciously. 

“No. Well, yes. No,” she shook her head and ran a hand down her face, stifling another laugh. “I just…” she sighed. “It’s crazy, really.” She giggled. 

She pushed herself up as well, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning against the headboard. “Okay, do you wanna know?” Addy grinned like a child about to tell a horror story around the campfire.

Her sudden smiles were contagious, really, and Deacon found his own lips curling into a childish grin. “Yeah, okay. Hit me.” 

Addy chuckled again and she bounced on the mattress, pulling her legs underneath her into a criss-cross position. “Okay, okay.” She clapped her hands excitedly. “It’s… it’s so ridiculous, I can’t even, like, you know,” she shook her head with a snort, her ugly laugh making an appearance. 

Deacon couldn’t help but smile. Her giddy nature seemed a bit out of character for her, especially now. He wasn’t ready to believe that someone in her position, going through what she going through, could be this… excited. 

“Alright, so,” she put a hand up to shush him, even though he wasn’t talking, “you know Shaun, right?” 

Deacon blinked again, raising a brow. She could be in shock. The fact that she was laughing at the mention of her son was unusual, to say the very least. “No, who is that again?” He couldn’t quite help himself from jesting at her, especially with her sudden euphoria. 

To his surprise, she cackled at his quip, tilting her head back and leaning against the headboard. “Okay,  _ well _ , he’s not a baby anymore.” She explained, gesturing largely with her hands.

Deacon squinted at her and his blue eyes searched her up and down from behind the black lenses of his sunglasses. “Yeah, I know, he’s like, what, ten? You told me this.” He shrugged, easing into his words with caution as though he were walking on broken glass. He figured he might set her off, but if she was already like this, it seemed to him that she was already as ‘set-off’ as someone could feasibly be. 

“No, no,” she batted the air with a frown. “That’s what I thought too, ya know? But nah,” she shook her head, her playful smile back on her face where Deacon swore it really should not be right now. “Get this, he’s…” she snorted. “He’s sixty-something, actually.” 

She paused for a dramatic effect, and it seemed to work, as Deacon looked to her with a slack jaw and raised brow. “Shaun is…?”

“An old-ass man. I know, right?” Addy once again dissolved into laugher, thumping her head against the wooden headboard as she held her stomach. 

Deacon couldn’t help himself from laughing. She was right, it was ridiculous. Laughable, obviously. “Wait, how?” He pressed, shaking his head with a snicker. 

“Fuck if I know.” Addy threw her arms up, before pausing. “Except I do know. Wait,” she considered. She brought a hand to her forehead, her smile still bright and unsettling as ever. “They… took him from the vault earlier than I thought. And now, okay, get this, now he’s the leader of the Institute.” 

She nodded quickly as though trying to spur a reaction from her companion. Deacon blinked again, forcing a laugh. Okay, she was definitely in shock. 

“Shit, the leader, huh?” He couldn’t quite tell where the truth started and ended, but he wasn’t about to ask. 

“Yup,” she grinned, and if anyone but Deacon was looking at her, they would see pride. But of course, he did not. She continued, “It’s insane, honestly. I never would’ve guessed. I thought the worst that could happen was finding him dead, but nope!” She cackled, wiping her face with her hand. 

Deacon swallowed, his own laughter dying down. There it was, he thought. He opened his mouth to try and offer some words of comfort, but she kept talking before he was able to form a sentence. 

“I mean, he’s not dead, so that’s something. But he might as well be, right?” She laughed, and to Deacon, who normally loved her ugly giggles, it was positively frightening. This wasn’t her, and the trauma was sinking in, fast. 

“Addy, I-”

“Because he’s almost dead, and he’s the  _ ruler  _ of the fucking organization that seems to be hell-bent on ruining my life, along with the lives of everyone in the Commonwealth!” Another snort, and no sign of sorrow. Just cynical, traumatic, and horrifying laughter. Her words her frantic and her hand motions were quick, and Deacon just watched. 

“A-and he’s this new person who… whose life I’m just not a part of, even though I’m his mother, but I’m not sure I want to be anyway!” She was shouting now, and she wasn’t talking to Deacon anymore, that much he could tell. She was breaking down on her own, inside herself.

“Addy.” His voice was firm.

“And I get to live with the fact that I never got to raise him, a-and I failed at my one job in having a kid,” her laughs were hollow, and her voice began to shake.

“And now the one stupid fucking goal I had since waking up in that  _ goddamn  _ vault is gone, and it was all for  _ nothing _ , and I might as well find a way to end it, right?” She cackled, and it was angry. 

“Because the one thing I was living for, that kept me going, finding my fucking idiot son, is just gone, and was never even there to begin with! So what’s the point?” She threw her arms up and fell against the headboard. She was in hysterics, giggling away. 

Deacon’s jaw was clenched tight and his chest ached. Addy sighed, with that same dopey grin on her face. 

“So I just think…” she began again, staring up at the ceiling with glazed eyes and an empty grin, “it’s really fucking hilarious. Don’t you?” 

And then it was quiet. It was quiet for several moments. Deacon looked away, and he listened to the silence. The bedframe creaked as Addy stretched out on the bed, and his ears perked up as he heard her delirious giggles again. 

He listened to her quiet laughter for a couple seconds, wishing he could say anything that would dispel them. But the sound of her giggling changed. The shift was gradual, but he could notice, he noticed everything about her. 

It was faint, but he could hear as one of her chuckles got caught in her throat, and her breath hitched. It was followed by a tiny gasp, and another giggle, but it sounded hoarse. And it happened again, the small intake of breath as though something threatened to erupt from her windpipe. 

And Deacon wouldn’t have to guess what it was, because in the very next moment, she was no longer laughing. She was sobbing, and hard. 

Deacon brought himself to his feet quickly, and hobbled over to the bed. “Hey, c’mon,” he spoke almost inaudibly. 

He looked over her as she turned to her side, bringing her knees to her chest and covering her face with her hands. Her back and chest were shuddering as she muffled the sound of her sobs with her palms, but not as effectively as she might have liked. 

Her face was turning red, and he could see through her fingers the tears that began to spill out of her eyes. Deacon sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on her back. “C’mere,” he took hold of her upper arm in his free hand and pulled her into a sitting position. 

Addy complied blindly, shakily bringing herself to the edge of the mattress next to him. She took her hands from her face, and Deacon could see her only for the moment she came up for air with a gasp. Her brows were contorted and her lip was quivering and her normally warm eyes held so, so much raw pain he thought his own heart might break from the very sight.

But she didn’t allow him to look at her for long, as she flung her arms around his neck and gripped him tight, so tight it hurt the both of them, and cried. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and wailed. Her tears rolled down her face and began to dampen the shoulder of the dirty white shirt he wore, but the thought of laundry was the last thing on his mind. 

He shushed her gently, and placed a large hand on the back of her head, feeling her shake and shiver underneath his touch. She was trembling so hard one might’ve thought she had been thrown into a frozen lake and she gripped at the base of Deacon’s neck with feeble fingers, needing some form of contact or she may forget how to breathe. 

It felt like hours, but it was likely less, before they moved from their interlocked position as the sole survivor weeped into the chest of her companion. She finally pulled away, wiping furiously at her cheeks and the wet strands of hair glued to her face. She sniffled loudly and sat back on the bed’s edge, staring down at her feet. 

Deacon eyed her with pity. She sighed and looked away.

“How about,” he brushed another piece of hair behind her ear, “we actually talk about it, for real this time.” The suggestion was quiet, but it was genuine, which was something Deacon needed to get used to. “I’m here, Addy.” 

Addy sniffed again, nodding and straightening her posture. She made the decision to keep her wits about her, regardless of what emotions may overtake her. 

She smiled weakly. “Yeah. Okay.” 

**Author's Note:**

> wanted to try and write a little character study i guess?? see how my sole would react to all that dumped on her and also i lov her and deacon's relationship dsklflsjd sue me


End file.
